Ever spend a whole day hanging with old war veterans? Its a real treat.

The other day i got a major dose of some true American old guy cursin and grumblin. It was fantastic. I love it when the older generation swear non stop. The phrase "son of a bitch" just becomes an auto add-on to basically any sentance or term of endearment. It's mostly common with older guys but its a real winner when its a salty old hen cussin and hollerin out loud . I love it . This whole post is dedicated to cussin and swearin up a storm so here goes -

Its getting much nicer out now . What the fuck ! Man the price of gas , Fuckin A . Son of a Bitch bamboo grows tall. Fuck !

Found this cool mini forest. Godammit !! I remember when all this was fields. Assholes !! Cool trees , Fuckin Peckerwoods ....

Those Asswipes at Waterbrothers killed my palms. Fuckin son of a bitch !! When i was young i was never disrespectful like that. Fuckin A right man !! Now im gonna have to go down to Nagels hardware and get more soil. Piece of shit knee better not give out on me neither...... Those dumbshits!! christ. i just filled the tank . Aaaaah fucknuts !! Kids...... Harrrumphf !!

Haaahaaha fuck me i cant even keep this up. Just typing swears is tiring .....

anyways........

Today i met a real live wizard. Yes an actual living breathing Merlin. I'd heard fantastically scary storys of the Motorcycle Engine Wizard for over 15 years. His castle is deep in the woods of Rhode Island somewhere and upon entering his domain every single piece of folk lore on this chap was absolutely spot on . Upon meeting him , he was definately the most intimidating human i have ever been in the same room with. I'd rather take my chances with somalian pirates or be at the opposite end of Glasgow in the wrong football colors. This wizard was way more Sauraman than Gandalf too, not yer nice fuzzy Walt Disney sorcerer either. This guy could make a pack of wolves break down into tears with his stare in mere seconds. Even his wooden pipe billowing smoke was scary . His workshop lair was an absolute Aladdins cave of vintage motorcycle parts and memorobelia from the last 60 years. I wandered around looking like Charlie in the chocolate factory while my friend Harry stammered and jammered his way through the polite hellos and howyoudoins under the stare of the menacing Engine Wizard. Ive been in many tense situations all over the world but there was never a silence as dead as in the one in this small laboratory. This guy was like meeting Burt munro mixed with The Supreme Being from the movie The Time Bandits. It was heavy. I kept quiet as a mouse and laughed politely when he joked and bellowed commands and raised his pipe like a wand in Harrys general direction. The whole scene was amazing.

After a long pause -

Harry - "This is my friend Logan Hill"

long silence.....actually really long silence

Harry - "Hes from Scotland"

followed by a silence even quieter than before

Harry - (grasping for a foothold on the wizard's steep mountain slope) "he rides a 69 Triumph"

Engine wizard - takes a slow long pull on his pipe (full on sherlock homes shit) and says gritting his teeth. "Well now we got a fuckin problem"

tons of nervous laughs from myself and Harry as we stare at our shoes....

I was literally looking for a bucket of cat litter to put my head into and hide at this point....... All wizards got cats right ?

These were serious hoops of fire we were jumping through in order to pick up a motorcycle......

There was not a hope in hell i was even going to take one photo inside the Wizards lair. Not a chance. I was dying to . It was a photographers dream . My fingers burned to break out my camera , but i'd have been more comfortable taking photos of silverback gorillas in the wild or covering the civil war in El Salvador than snapping one pic inside the workshop. Took me 3 hrs of inner mental torture just to snap off a few photos in the semi safety of the wooded back yard. I was pretty scared. I figured i could out run him if he charged !!

Engine Wizard reams out Harry for makin marks on his nice lawn. I chuckled like a ten year old from my 30 paces safety zone as Harry is literally frozen stiff with fear.

If your machine is dirtier than this , forget bringing it out to see the Wizard. He'll banish you and you'll have to resort to fixing your bike using youtube tutorials.

I noticed a giant pile of sticks neatly stacked in one corner of the Wizards courtyard. He must have a wand business on the side ...wee bit extra cash coming in !!

Harry picked up his BSA and i picked up a heap of new swears . Goddammit !! Jagoff !!

The Wizard's tower is far away.

The last poor bugger got turned to stone for his insolent lip

This unfortunate sod got blasted right out of his boots.... . This is whats refered to as " what better way to finish off the last photo on the roll of a nice photie of mah shoes "

This is completely unrelated but - Ever notice how the older generation refer to facebook as THE FACEBOOK...... " oi jimmy are you on The facebook? " .

I fuckin love it . Motherfuckin A hole dicktits !! Fuckin Doctors !! son of a bitch................