Looking for adventures and thrills at night in the desert can be a tricky one .

The TFL - an organisation not known for its good fortune but well known for its soaring moral and endurance.

Even with these guide lines tattooed on our bodies we hit the jackpot tonight. In terms of entertainment , material , characters and endless flowing pitchers of sandbeer we totally nailed the motherload of bars and saloons to choose from in this town.

How could you not want to go inside this district nine style pub???? Place looked like a brazilian nightclub in the City of God

Tonight is open mic night and inside the fallout shelter , shit was popping off. These two gunslingers killed some country jams then belted out Paint it Black by the Stones. So good !!

Then some band on tour from NYC got up to strutt their feathers. I guess the drummer's mum lives in Joshua Tree. It ruled. The lads looked way more outta place than we did . They were so glammed up with hairdonts and rock bedazzle it was as odd as if the New York Dolls were having lunch at a Chucky Cheese . I forget the name of these guys Blood Party ? maybe ? or Blood Panty... I forget. But anyways they were headed to LA to play at the Viper Room where im sure they'll blend right in with all the other Young Nikki Sixx's and Tracii Guns

More and more people showed up to play their tunes. It was more like a desert talent show than an open mic. The guy in charge of the night looked like a cactusy version of Johnny Thunders. Early on in the night he was found passed out sitting on the throne in the guys toilets. Side note -The bathroom at this place had no door stalls so everytime you opened the door to go pee there was a new critter sitting taking a mean dussledorf for all the world to see. It became a great chuckle when any of us had to venture off to take a quick leak. Opening the door was similar to clicking on a really disturbing internet clip. Once you commited it was fuckin game over. Scarred !! Anyhows im rambling on . Back to Cactus Johnny Thunders. This guy was in fuckin bad shape. He was on some kind of drugs i'd never even read about yet. After some chaos he was airlifted out of the bar and into the cold desert night to be revived back to life out in the sandy parking lot. We would not see him until about 4 or 5 hours later.

With the master of ceremonies gone the Open Mic night went into a total shambles. A real free for all and the next guy in the chain of open mic command was this equally tweaked out cat with a giant keyboard. This geezer looked like he hadnt slept in 3 years. He was mega jittery and moved kinda like a mouse would or a small rodent . All jerky and scared. I honed in on his movements like a hawk and badgered this guy to let me play in the talent show . I mustive asked this guy every 20 minutes " I wanna play drums with you guys let me play some rock n roll in the show" . Every time i caught his eye he'd freak out and run the other way till it got to the point where i was just asking him to see what he'd do next. At this point i'd waited so long i thought it would never happen and had stopped caring

As the greatest show on earth continued me and the lads sat through act after act of the most fantastically bizarre musicians. Every now and then there would be a total gem but the trainwrecks were also just as captivating. The entire time the waitress kept bringing pitcher after pitcher of beer while we enjoyed the show. It was almost like watching a real live version of the Muppets or Ren n Stimpy. During the various acts i'd found a band member to jam with . Now i actually had a real band and what was just a notion about playing on stage was actually about to happen. So i went back and approached SandSkull and asked him for the 50th if me and my new band could play. He said yes as soon as Mama Fratelli's she-uncle got off the drums.

Id like to say my new found bandmember was the sickest dude at the bar. He looked like an Aztec warrior mixed with Dimebag Darrell from Pantera , and man could he play the guitar. His name was Marco from Mexico. I'd found my secret weapon . Even if by the time we got to play i was too drunk to hold a drumstick i was confident Marco could nail the show while i slept slumped over the snare drum.

After being in the star wars saloon for over 7 hours it was finally our time to play.

As far as trumpet blowing goes. Im gonna totally toot the hell outta ours. My new band rocks. Freshly named the Highlanders by Marco. Instantly it worked . Rock n Roll lives in the desert. Within seconds more and more people and their guitars and organs climbed on stage to play along . It was great and well worth waiting for . Speed rhythm and blues and tons of solos. Its magical when total strangers can make it all work in seconds. Pure fuckin champion. We played a few numbers - Up yer Kilt and Haggis Day and possibly a Black Sabbath cover but i cant remember.

Then we got the boot .........

These guys played after us. The Rock Muncher's voice was like sand, grenades and nails in a blender. Made Lemmy's voice seem like a choirboys....but it absolutely ruled. And somehow Cactus Johnny Thunders appeared and he played keyboards with his hands in his pockets. This band was my fave. And they left the bathroom door open in the background ...........

The last song was called "Good Night Sleep Tight" and it was as if that huge monster in the Labyrinth movie was singing a lullibye to us .


This is PatBuckley (one word) He likes make party . He hasnt been abducted by aliens (yet) but he does have 30 grandkids. This guy rules. Fantastic stories about dodging the Vietnam draft , evil women and beer.

- PatBuckley "Hey man what reservation you from ?" to Marco my new bandmate "Aztec !!" Marco replied .........awsome!

Everyone here has one word names - Patbuckley , Manutebol , Stevelee and Jayhanna . The only person missing is Petebooth.

Waking up in a million pieces Johannesburg . Fuck !! Brains are so refried. Being hungover surrounded by so much sand is quite possibly the worst !!

Agua ......agua..................por favor ......................agua

Squeezing out some drops of moisture from this barbed wire almost worked.


Steve looked the most indian so we elected him to do the rain dance . It almost worked . He got a cloud going !!

ManuteBol looked the most thirsty so he got to carry the only water jug. After 3 days in the desert were already super smart explorers. Last 2 days the only provisions we brought here were heaps of beers.

We have much intelligencia now..........I think !!

Cheerio desert i have to leave now that my tongue has officially turned into sand.