More Wandering around New York looking for jobs , explosions and ninjas ............

I threw my back out 4 days ago. Absolute bloody murder. Today has been the first day i can actually put on my socks and pants on. Im getting old . America finally did me in. I literally woke up and it felt like 70 000 volts of electricity was surging through my lower back into my right leg. It was such a violent pain i was floored. It took me 45 minutes to slowly slide out of my bed and onto my feet. My toilet is approximately 2 and a half feet away from my bed (very similar to the cells at Alcatraz) and it took me over 20 minutes to manouver into postition. I looked like a 104 year old man from the Scottish highlands blasted out of his skull on whiskey. I was in a real bad state. Never have i felt this amount of pain jolting through my body before.

Breathing on half powers for hours is tiring. My lungs would split my sides like a machete if i filled them to capacity with air. It was utter hell. I spent hours in my apartment literally hobbling in circles and wincing like Gollum. Climbing back into bed was a fantastic ordeal. I clawed my way up dragging the rest of my body. This was some serious Hamburger Hill shit. I spent 48 hours constantly trying to find a comfortable spot.

On day 2 i managed to slither to my front door where i filled up some bags of snow and ice to place on my injured carcass. If my neighbors happened to be watching it wouldve looked like i'd stepped on a landmine in my living room and was crawling to safety. I became petrified that at some point i'd have to go to the bathroom for a Donald Trump. At all costs this could not happen. The piercing shooting pains would never let me get even close to the sitting position let alone the wiping part. So i decided to not eat until this torture eased up.

By day 3 i'd figured out a way to get dressed without bending my body. Rolling socks up my legs and hooking my trousers with coathangers became normal. Each hour i looked less and less like an Auschwitz prisoner. Shite was looking good for 2013.

At some point on day 3 i made a jailbreak from my chambers. I wobbled and staggered like a new born gazelle up the road. I actually looked like everyone else on my street and my gangster limp blended right in.

After obtaining all kinds of white wizards and drinking my body weight in water i was beginning to show signs of recovery. Instead of walking like Master Yoda or a cromagnon man i was able to stand semi upright.

On day 4 i learned about the Sciatic Nerve. He's a real bastardo. After almost a week of feeling like my back was made out of brittle bamboo splinters i finally asked my Doctor "What the fuck man!!". Dr Google was pretty nice. As usual he told me way to much information and my brains were scrambled after 5 minutes in his office.

All in all im having a real blast . Let the good times roll. I feel like the six million dollar man right now.

This ad campaign in the Subway platform made me laugh ..............So awsome !! Way better than my sciatic nerve exploding in my ass.