My crazy uncle Pino in Italy entered me in a cycling race. Cycling is huge in Italy and there are races all the time on set courses through the mountains. My uncle inssisted i join him in this event and offered me the gear i needed. I borrowed a bike , a helmet , a full spandex space outfit (which is a new experience for me ) the only item he didnt have in my size were the clip in shoes ( i got wee feet) so i had to compete in my vans slip ons.....total hell cos my feet kept sliding around on the fancy pedals ...but anyways once i was kitted out and looked like a right fruity bastard we were set ...

The race started in the next village over from ours called Borgomanero and the course layed out was about 80 kms winding through about 50 different tiny mountainside villages.We showed up to the event and there were hundreds of italians gearing up and yelling . it was a mental scene. i had no idea what the hell i was doing there...............the event starts and im way in the back of the group getting sandwiched in elbow to elbow flying through the smallest zig zagging roads. They had 3 motorcycles stopping traffic for us and the racers were not allowed to pass the lead car with the megaphone mounted on top.......

The pack was utterly insane....i got yelled at by every italian next to me ...i was the only foreigner there and definatly the only arsehole wearing vans slip ons hahaha....my feel were slipping all over the pedals and id never even tested the bike i borrowed......my whole situation was pretty laterd

I was getting battered around , knocking elbows with so many other riders that i had to get the hell out of the pack...i mangled my way through the crowd hearing the only italian i understood ...the swear words they were all yelling at me ...i got so hyped ...it took a while but i made it up to the front and hung behind 2 other guys and the pace car.......

We rolled into the village where the finish line was and i managed to score third position............

The whole village came out to cheer and my italian family took these snaps of the finishing stretch

Im the wee dude in the blue spandex right above the motorcyclists helmet

This is my spandex debut live in techicolor on the world wide web

The italian announcer yelled on the mic for THE AMERICANO to come collect his prize...i had no idea he was jabbering about me.......so laughs ..I got a rad trophy like a big goblet and after the prizes were dished out the whole village brought out homemade pizza and wine and everyone hung out the rest of the day

Big thank you to Pino (pictured above) he rules and let me borrow all the flashy gear im sporting except the slip ons...................